The Deep Wounds of Child Abuse: "Nobody's Perfect" by Kallypso Masters

Savannah Gentry, now Savi Baker, escaped the torture and degradation forced upon her by a sadistic father for eleven years and has made a safe life for herself and her daughter. When her father threatens her peace of mind—and her daughter's safety—Savi runs to Damián Orlando for protection. Their one day together eight years earlier changed both their lives and resulted in a secret she can no longer hide. But being with Damián reawakens feelings she wants buried—and stirs up an onslaught of disturbing flashbacks that leave her shaken to the core with little hope of ever being a sexual being again. 

Damián has his own dragons to fight, but has never forgotten the one perfect day he spent with Savannah in a cave at the beach. He will go to the ends of the earth to protect Savi and her daughter, but can never be the whole man she deserves after a firefight in Iraq. Besides, the trauma of war and resulting PTSD has led him to find his place as the Masters at Arms Club's favorite sadist. Savi needs someone gentle and loving, not the broken man he has become. But he sees that the lifestyle he's come to embrace also can help Savi regain control of her life and sexuality. How can he not help redirect her negative thoughts and actions if she needs him?

This fourth book in a riveting series about Alpha males and the women who tame them . . . the author's description, I might add . . . is a continuation of the story of two young people who met when they were 19 years old, both at a crossroads in their lives and who collided and shared a love that changed their lives, even though they didn't know it at the time.  Now, eight years later, both have been radically changed, their life paths have once again crossed and they now share a daughter.  

Damian is no longer the rather irresponsible teen who ultimately found no way forward back then and decided to enlist in the Marines.  Landing in Iraq, he experienced one of war's most devastating lessons--that no one can keep everyone alive.  Losing his own foot took Damian out of action, but his life was forever changed, and if it were not for encountering his former Marine leader, he might have ended his life.  Now he has regained control over his life, come to some very important self-understanding, learned some deep insights about the human soul, and is a co-owner of the Master at Arms club in Denver.  It is to Denver that Savannah Gentry flees when her abusive and sadistic father again locates her and tries to enslave her once again.  She is now Savi Baker and she has her eight year old daughter in tow--Damian's child conceived on that remote beach in So. California eight years earlier.  She doesn't know that Damian has carried her in his heart through the days of war's hell and the recovery that followed his injury.  Now Savi is the one who has been forever marked by her father's pedophilia and sadism, by his use of her body as a child and later as a "gift" to his political and business clients who have  sexually abused her and sadistically beaten her almost to death.

This story is really a continuation of the other books in this series.  It is most certainly not a stand alone novel in the truest sense of the word, but I do believe that someone who picked this book up without reading the first books would catch the gist of this story but would be left in the dark about the characters who are background here but whose stories have been featured in the earlier novels.  There is also a very strong BDSM presence in this book, one that demonstrates the positive aspect of the lifestyle for those whose life experiences have been so wounding that the external pain of BDSM can help to release the inner pain that is so overwhelming that those who have been victimized literally shut down.  The scenes themselves, however, are quite mild.   In Savi's case, her own self-medicating involved cutting, a phenomenon that is well-known in the mental health community as a way of inducing endorphins that can soothe and tranquilize and make it possible for victims of abuse to move through their lives.  Damian's way of helping Savi release her inner pain was very mild and along with his treatment of her were the insights that helped her to get past her "triggers" and fears for herself and her daughter.  

I found this book to be another fine example of writing skill from a relatively new author and one whose following is growing as we speak.  I am delighted to have found the initial novella and have been chomping at the bit, waiting for each new book's release.  Due to happenings in the author's life they have not come to us as quickly as originally indicated, but as one who reads lots and lots of books, I find this novel to have been compelling.  It is a highly emotional story, one that will resemble an emotional roller coaster by the time it is all done.  It also highlights the deep and soul deadening wounds that come from child abuse and the awful hurts that can kill the body as well when sadism is out of control and used without regard to the victims.   I highly recommend it, not as a particularly easy book to read, but one that brings forth that kind of satisfaction when one realizes they have read a really good book.  It is a story that deserves to be read and appreciated.  I give it a rating of 4.25 out of 5.

This novel can be purchased both at Smashwords and Amazon.

The Healing Power of True Caring: "Need: Finding Anna Book Two" by Sherri Hayes

As Brianna comes to terms with the realization that she is no longer a slave, she must figure out what she wants for her life. Forgetting her past isn’t an option. It is an integral part of who she is now, and it will forever shape her view of life. The one thing she knows is that she cannot imagine her life without the man who saved her, but can she be what he needs? 

Stephan never imagined falling in love with the woman he rescued, but the thought of her no longer being part of his life is physically painful. The scars from her past continue to haunt her, and he is helpless to stop them. All he can do is try to help her work through the traumas of her past. Can he be everything she needs and help her move on?

The two must figure out how to navigate not only their relationship with each other, but also the outside world. A friend from Brianna’s past shows up where she least expects them, and Uncle Richard continues to enforce his well-meaning agenda to get Brianna more traditional help. As forces, both friend and foe, threaten to tear them apart, Stephan and Brianna have to navigate the turbulent waters and find what they need in each other.

Earlier this month I reviewed the first book in this series, Slave:  Finding Anna Book One  where Brianna and Stephan were introduced.  As a young woman sold into sexual slavery by a father deep into gambling debts, Brianna had lost her sense of self, her connection with her past, any love for her father, or the ability to think past whatever her "master" was commanding her to think or do.  With Stephan she began to reclaim who she was, a glimpse of the woman she could be, a new understanding of how a male/female relationship could function even outside the BDSM world that had tortured her, and to be re-introduced to some of the simple pleasures of cooking and reading.

Now we see how her rehabilitation is progressing, what Stephan must continue to do to help Brianna become an independent, vibrant and free-thinking woman, the one he sees lurking underneath her fears and the brain-washing done to her by her old sadistic "master."  As a young Dom he knows both the good and the bad that the lifestyle contains.  He also knows that as his attachment to Brianna grows he is himself caught in a dilemma about how to set her free, knowing that in doing so she may even decide to not only leave the old hurts and fears behind but him as well.

This is a very emotional book, one that will take the reader on Brianna's up and down emotional roller coaster.  Her few steps forward, few steps backward are sometimes difficult to bear.  Her learning curve is very hesitant at times.  When it seems she has made great progress she will meet someone who she remembers from the horror days or who reminds her of old memories, and she retreats back into herself to a degree that one wonders if she can ever be made whole.   Some reviewers have expressed an impatience or boredom with Brianna's experiences, but I found the entire book to be compelling and one that really tugged at my heart.  As a helping professional in real life, I have had to work with people who are damaged and whose future ability to function wholly is very much in question.  Someone who is as profoundly modified as Brianna is a true puzzle to people who don't understand the pathology--someone like Brianna's friend from the past who wanted to blame Stephan or who had no real understanding of the depth of the damage that had been done to her.

This is a story that is not easy to read but is pertinent to the contemporary social ill of sexual slavery so rampant throughout the world.   There are other authors who have addressed this ill in compelling novels.  Cherise Sinclair's To Command and Collar deals with the rehab of a rescued woman although that book contains far more overt BDSM practices that bring that woman back into a healthy understanding of herself.  I would encourage you to do some research and to become educated about the depth and breadth of this problem.  It is estimated that 75,000 individuals are abducted annually in the United States, the majority of them women, and sold into sexual slavery.  This book may be truly helpful in seeing the hurts such terrible practices can cause.  I give it a rating of 4 out of 5.

The Damage Done When Safe, Sane, and Consensual Aren't Observed . . . "Slave: Finding Anna, Book I"

Stephan has lived the lifestyle of a Dominant for five years. After several rebellious teenage years, it gave him the stability and control he had been seeking after his parent’s death.

As president of a not-for-profit foundation, he knows what his future holds and what he wants out of life. All that changes when a simple lunch with his college friend and Mentor, Darren, leads him to buying a slave.

Thrust into a situation he never thought he’d be in, Stephan can’t walk away. He is compelled to help this girl in the only way he knows how.

Brianna knows only one thing, she is a slave. She has nothing. She is nothing.  Can Stephan help Brianna realize that she is much more than just a Slave?

Human trafficking is a blight on the planet Earth and is one of the most lucrative businesses alive today.  Thousands of human beings are kidnapped and sold into slavery in the United States every year,  most of whom are transported to locations outside the U. S. and are never seen or heard of again.  They disappear into a private "slave collection," brothels of varying degrees of degradation, or when they are no longer able to "perform" are driven on to the streets of a foreign country or abandoned to die of terminal illness or severe damage.  The hero in this story knew all this, wanted nothing to do with human sex trade practices.  But when he found out that a young girl was being kept as a "slave" by a known sadist, a man the BDSM community had less than a good opinion of, Stephan took matters into his own hands, "bought" this young girl, barely 18 years of age, and brought her into his home with the intent of trying to give her a life back and undo the damage done to her.  She was called Brianna by her "master" and all who knew her in the BDSM context.  When a long-time friend recognized her on one of her infrequent outings with Stephan, he called her "Anna" as that is what she had been called throughout her life with her mother and then living with the dad that betrayed her trust.

This is really not about BDSM practice between a Dom and sub so much as it is about the dastardly effects to a beautiful young woman sold to a sadist without boundaries or conscience, and who is now merely a shell of a human being.  Stephan is certainly a Dom and knows his way around a D/s relationship.  But this new challenge of literally rebuilding a human being who has been so destroyed by a lifestyle he loves is a totally new thing for him.  His compassion and his growing awareness of her, his insight into what is going through her mind whenever he speaks even the most insignificant words to her, his desire to see her reclaim her total humanity is the core of this story.  While the novel focuses on Brianna as the victim who is rescued, the novel also highlights the growth that Stephan experiences as he searches for ways to give Brianna back a sense of self while using her "training" to get her to cooperate with the simple rules he wants for her--things like texting him hourly as a way of getting her not to become obsessed with her worries about whether she is pleasing him.  Since she sees him as her new "master" she is obedient and he can work with that sense of obedience to get her to do things she needs to do to care for herself, to read again, to begin cooking (something she really loved to do), to go outside the home to shop as a way of getting her back into society.  

All in all this is a compelling and very emotional book.  I have read a few reviews that criticize the character of Brianna because she seems to fall back into destructive behavior so often.  Well . . . anyone who has ever been around anyone who has been subjected to pain and torture as a means of behavior modification (veterans will understand this) knows that it is almost always a matter of "one step forward, two steps backward" with many flashbacks and periods of remembered terror.  Stephan was a man of conscience and I was amazed at his patience and the way he developed consistent routines to put Brianna at ease so that she could begin building trust in another human being.  Even though his emotional attachment grew into love and desire, he was a man who controlled himself for her sake and because he recognized her fragile condition and cared more about her than achieving his selfish goals.  

This is an amazing book and one that I think needed to be written.  I found it on Net Galley and although it was originally released in 2011, it is now being re-released.  It is a wonderful story and the first in a trilogy about Stephan and Brianna's relationship.  I hope you'll think seriously about reading this novel.  I give it a 4.25 out of 5.

Love Those Men In Blue: "The Night Is Darkest" by Jayne Rylon

Some secrets refuse to stay hidden.

Lacey Daughtry's perfect weekend is interrupted by tragic news of her brother's murder in the line of duty. Plagued by a rash of mysterious phone calls, she turns to her brother's best friends and fellow officers for protection-and comfort.

Spending time in close contact with Mason and Tyler, the two men she's dreamed of since her first girlhood crush, seems like the answer to a prayer. Especially when they begin to explore the desire she's harbored for so long. But the partners are holding out on Lacey. Determined to suppress the most extreme facets of their lust, they agree to settle for sharing the woman they crave while concealing their desire for each other. Until Lacey cracks their resolve, unleashing a torrent of emotions that threatens to distract them when they can least afford it.

Their blossoming relationship is complicated by secrets. And the only way to evade the killer threatening their lives is to bare their souls in the darkest hours of the night. Or everything will come crashing down, just before the dawn.

I recently read a couple of books written by Ms Rylon in collaboration with Mari Carr (The Compass Brothers Series: Northern Exposure, Southern Comfort) and really liked the style and content of the stories. So I looked up this author as an individual writer and discovered some additional books and this series entitled Men in Blue. (I had read and reviewed several of her books previously from Ellora's Cave for The Book Binge.) This first book was released in 2009 but is one that is very much rooted in contemporary times and places, is really about three people who have been friends for years, who are mourning the death of a much loved brother and friend, and who are keeping secrets from each other--at least they think the others are clueless. Like so much else in their long-standing association as friends and lovers, that assumption is wrong also. Mason and Tyler have been secret lovers for quite a while, have "wanted" Lacey as their third for even longer, but have agreed that their pursuit of her will be conducted as if they are just best friends. It's a small town with some fairly accomplished gossips and some highly judgmental people. Add in Mason's unwillingness to accept his attraction to Tyler, and you have a pretty good level of conflict on every front.

Lacey knows that she is seen as "the little sister" of their friend who has just been killed in the line of duty. She can't seem to get them to see her as a grown woman with a serious love for them and the need to have them in her life. They also don't realize that she has been aware that their friendship is closer than just "best friends" and that this reality certainly doesn't "turn her off." That is one of their greatest fears. She is being stalked but hasn't shared that with them either as they seem to be avoiding her.

This is not your simple boys-meet-girl kind of story. It isn't a simple menage tale where two men grab the girl and they are off for hot sessions of threesome sex. It is a story that is full of the conflicts the men feel over their attraction to each other, their worry about being open in acting on that attraction, their worry that Lacey might run from them if she knew, their conflict over her being their friend's "little sister," and their most urgent concern that Lacey won't be able to deal with their "dark" and kinky needs. There is also the mystery about who might be stalking Lacey, or perhaps the slowly emerging clues that the death of Lacey's brother might not have been accidental at all.

At its most basic, this novel is about discovering the depth and breadth of relationship--the grandeur that Mason and Tyler need to discover in their own love for each other, the maturity and acceptance that Lacey has for them both as lovers and her own dark needs that they can fulfill, and their need to come clean with each other and live in the open as honest lovers and friends. There is also an entire circle of "men in blue" that form a kind of extended family for these three, all of whom are accepting of them as individuals as well as a triad. As they discover each other they are going to be challenged to discover the authenticity of their friends' caring for them as well.

This novel is really beautifully written as the strands of each of these people's lives are woven together alongside the mystery that has engulfed them. Their discovery of the perpetrator, their sense of betrayal at who this is, their recognition of their ability to move beyond a very limited view of life and relationship are the factors that shape and form the context of a story that is full of surprises and which never leaves the reader bored or at loose ends. It is a worthy beginning to a trilogy that will draw the reader into the lives and experiences of a circle of friends--all of whom are different but equally talented, whose own experiences make the reading just that much more interesting. I loved the book and was so pleased to know that the experiences of these characters would continue on through books two and three. I give it a rating of 4.25 out of 5.

And I Should Forgive You Why???? "Siren Beloved" by Sophie Oak

Aiden O'Malley left his fiancee, Lexi Moore, and their best friend, Lucas Cameron, after a night of passion left him shaken to his coresw. Years later, Aidan is back and he knows what he wants: he wants Lucas and Lexi forever.

Lucas has always been in love with Lexi, but he knows they need something more. They need the perfect Dom to complete their family. He never expected Aidan would be the Dom of their dreams. Lexi is hiding a secret. She knows she is drowning and the time has come to heal, but her anger at Aidan holds her back from moving on with Lucas. When Lexi's life is in danger, Aidan knows he will do anything to win them back--and keep them alive.

This is the fourth book in the "Texas Sirens" series and continues on with characters found in the preceeding novels. Alexis is the daughter of Jack & Abigail Barnes, who together with the "third" has their story told in books one and two. Lucas is Jack's half brother. Aidan is briefly mentioned but really doesn't come into his own as a main character until this book.

Lucas and Lexi have had an extremely close friendship/relationship for several years. Lucas knows all of Lexi's hurts and trials, has stood with her when Aidan walked away, brought Lexi into his world of BDSM at Julian Lodge's swanky "Club," Dallas' most infamous BDSM clubs and one where the membership fee would beggar most people. Because of their relationship to Jack Barnes, Lucas and Lexi have been experiencing this world weekly for quite some time but both know that they are only biding their time. Enter the mysterious Master A, a new and highly trained Dom who has agreed to work with Lexi and Lucas under contract and who is prepared to administer Lexi's "punishment" for her inappropriate behavior when she was drunk. But all does not go well, and just a little thing like noticing an old scar on the Master's face clues Lucas in to the fact that Master A is really Aidan.

Talk about the "spit hitting the fan!" All Lexi's old hurts, all her sense of rejection and betrayal because of Aidan's leaving her just three weeks before their wedding, all her subsequent years of feeling unworthy of love, of putting aside her dreams to be a novelist, of knowing that Aidan was probably the love of her life and wondering how she can go forward -- all come back to swamp her emotions and unleash her anger. Lucas isn't far behind. He, too, had loved Aidan as one of the two people he loved most in life. Aidan's rejection of them both hurt him as much as Lexi. Now what shall they do? It is only when someone begins to shoot at Lexi as she stomps out of her apartment that she reluctantly accepts Aidan's presence as he and Lucas take her away from Dallas to Aidan's ranch about several hours away.

This story is about three people who all share common hurts, who all love each other and are unwilling to acknowledge that love (with the exception of Aidan who is very up front in expressing his feelings), and who still struggle with the past. Aidan is scarred and broken in many ways because of his choice to go into the military and to come back home nearly dead. Yet now he will do whatever it takes to win his two loves back. He no longer cares what family or his small rural community might think of a polyamorous family. It's who he is and what he wants. Much to their collective surprise, the violence against them continues only now it is thought it is the work of a former girlfriend who seems intent on winning Aidan back, even though he has been very clear about not wanting her in his life any longer.

This novel is also about owning up to one's needs and being willing to seek the remedy that addresses those needs. Lucas is better at this than Lexi. There are some hurts in her past which Lucas has been trying to get her to acknowledge and address verbally, but she is like many of us when we think that stuff like that will go away if we just don't think about them or talk about them. Lexi was so 'stuck' but she just couldn't seem to face her fears and her pain. This story brings these people forward with all their wounds and brokenness and I think the author has used them to address some common kinds of problems many have, regardless of the kind of relationship may be in question. Obviously, not all individuals seek a remedy through the practice of the BDSM lifestyle , but for these three, the giving up of their closely-held personal power meant that they also opened themselves to one another at a level that was healing and restorative. And in whatever relationship one may find themselves, the bottom line is just that: being willing to be fully available in spirit, emotion, heart, mind, and soul. It means giving up the pain and sharing the joys; acknowledging one's need to submit or dominate, being honest and taking responsibility for mistakes, causing hurt, or failing to act wisely.

Human living and loving is messy, and in many ways this is a messy novel. When writing about life, the honest author acknowledges that fact and doesn't back away from the mess. Ms Oak is so many things as a writer, not the least of which is her innate honesty in addressing the realities of living and relating. All the characters in the novels in this series are connected with the BDSM lifestyle to some degree, but whatever the remedy people seek, being honest about the need and faithful in apply the remedy is ultimately the resolution.

I found all these books to be so very well written. The characters really come alive and in all Ms Oak's work that is a quality she brings to the writing task. This is most definitely a menage relationship and that may offend some. But any reader of romance fiction today has to realize that the menage is gaining in popularity in all sorts of romantic settings and genres. Not at all rare as it once was. But if one has difficulty with that family configuration, there is still the underlying message in this book: open and honest communication, loving one another to put the other's needs before one's own, being faithful in one's willingness to accept one another as they are, and always willing to take the risks of loving fully and deeply without regard to the future eventualities. When considering those qualities of relating, Ms Oak has "hit one out of the park" with this book. I highly recommend all the novels in this series. I give this book a rating of 4.5 out of 5.

I'm Back From Desert Island Keepers and I'm Still Reading . . . "Good Girls Don't" by Shiloh Walker

Well, hello, everyone and I'm glad to be back over here at the Book Place and sharing with all of you again. For three days I was one of those DIK ladies and it is always fun and a challenge. It is an honor to be included in such a great group of reviewers as well as guest authors.

Perhaps you might want to visit there if you haven't already--yesterday I let my irritations fly far and wide and ranted about folks who find way too much time on their hands and decide to use it to say nasty things about others, especially those who have ingredients in their lives that about which they disapprove. You can click here if you want to check it out -- Desert Island Keepers -- and I hope you keep going back. Lots of good stuff over there.

I'm still in my discovery mode of reading some of the older books written by some of my favorite authors. Shiloh Walker has been one of the authors I keep coming back to and who has wowed me with a number of her works that have been out for some time. Good Girls Don't is one of those books that has been published for about five years and which lots of people miss while chasing down the latest and newest releases. I found this book almost by accident and thorough

ly enjoyed it. In fact, it is on my Keeper list and I have gone back to it a couple of times.

Lori has a nice, safe job and a nice, safe fiancé. She has played it safe most of her life. Until she finds that nice, safe fiancé in bed with another woman. But the ultimate betrayal is that he is willing to play sexy bedroom games with the neighbor that he wouldn't play with Lori, no matter how often she asked. She kicks him out of her bed, out of her house, and out of her life. Now she's ready to make her fantasies come true. She starts at Exposé, a sex club where anything goes.

Mike has been attracted to Lori since moving in next door. She is taken though, and even if she were free, she's not his type. Too sweet, too innocent, too nice. So what in hell is she doing at Exposé? He doesn't know, but he's determined to protect her from the other guys in the club . . . and from himself. Determined to protect her even if it means bringing her pain.

By the time Mike realizes Lori doesn't want or need to be protected, it's almost too late.

Mike is a cop who has no intention of ever marrying--he is too involved in his law enforcement responsibilities, the hours are hell, and his sexual tastes are just too dark and rough for any woman to take on permanently. He gets what he needs from the subs at Expose and that just has to be good enough. He is mightily attracted to his neighbor, but apart from the fact that she is already engaged, same reasons, same excuses. He spends time with his partner Alex, and he finds lots to do with buddies when not at the club. His life is OK.

Lori wants something more from her relationship with her fiance. She tells him about needing more than "vanilla" sex, but he is controlling and decides what she needs, completely ignoring what she shares with him. The @#$% hits the fan when she comes home early from her job and finds him boinking another woman, doing exactly the kinds of kinky things she has been begging to do with him for months. That was the end . . . and he and all his stuff is on the curb. Good thing they hadn't signed the papers to put him on the deed to her house. Now she is free to follow through finding some way to answer the darker needs that won't go away, that seem to swirl around inside and which keep intruding on her composed and organized life. So she makes a few trips to Expose and there she sees her sexy neighbor who immediately gets angry because she is there, declares that she has no business being there, and ushers her to her car--on more than one occasion. What's it going to take to 1) get Mike to take her seriously and 2) either get involved with her or leave her alone?

This short novel is really about two people who know what is going on inside of them and while they really desire a committed relationship, are convinced that no one would be willing to "take them on" long-term. Both Mike and Lori have lots to give, but they are also convinced that any long-term relationship is, by definition, vanilla. Their journey of discovery is troubled and loaded with ups and downs, disappointments, and small rejections that really don't hinder each from seeking what they need, but which postpone them seeking what they need with each other. Even when they finally take their liason home, they are both afraid to take the other seriously. Being hurt in the past, both really have some serious trust issues which is kind of counter-productive, since any form of BDSM really rests on a foundation of trust. They begin their relationship as a "no-strings" neighbors-with-benefits kind of togetherness, but the question is really if they can move beyond past disappointments toward a positive involvement that really meets their deeper emotional need to belong, to be loved for who they are, bumps, urges, bunions, and all.

As always, Shiloh Walker is one of those writers who has proven that she is well in touch with the human condition, with those deeper feelings that drive individuals toward one another, sometimes not even realizing how needy they are. She seems to have the sensitivity and perception to create characters with whom her readers can relate and which resonate with real people. Readers may not align themselves with the kink in this story, but they can always understand strong personalities who put forth a very mature and hefty public persona, but who are needy and wanting on the inside. These are the kinds of characters we all know and who are far more numerous in our circles of friendship and employment colleagues than most of us realize. It is one of the reasons I keep going back to her books, both old and new.

So I hope that if you are looking for a really good love story that won't take up boogobbles of your time, you will look this book over and make it a part of your TBR pile. It is well-worth the effort and is one of those HEA stories that just seems curiously satisfying when all is said and done. I give it a rating of 4.25 out of 5.

About This BDSM Stuff . . . Reflections and Thoughts

OK . . . didn't think I would EVER read a BDSM novel just like I didn't think I would ever read a M/M novel. (Josh Lanyon changed that!!) Just goes to show that we all get an education if we are willing to have our literary comfort zones expanded.

Now I have to admit that it wasn't a journey that I started intentionally. But I read a few of the Ellora's Cave novellas that I was reviewing for The Book Binge and Second Chances by Lauren Dane, and I found that it was surprisingly tolerable. Now that's not to say that I am really into the whips and chains exclusively in any way. It's not for me. But there are a few authors that I have encountered that have changed my understanding of why this is a way some people relate to themselves and others that these folks seem to really need. There is no doubt that society in general thinks BDSM kinds of people are slutty, dirty, going straight to hell. But then, society thinks that about lots of ways of relating and thinking.

Light Switch by Lauren Gallagher was a surprising read for me as I had been exposed to the writing of Cooper McKenzie, Cherise Sinclair, Desiree Holt, Tymber Dalton, Sophie Oak, Jennifer Cole et al and had learned a great deal about the BDSM lifestyle as it was practiced by different individuals, both in their private lives as well as in a club setting. I guess I was not prepared when I began reading about BDSM to acknowledge that such a way of relating met some needs in people that often needed to be kept "in the dark" because of society's bias. That it met those needs in ways that nothing else could was part of my own surprise and learning curve. I found the following quote in Light Switch that seemed to sum up the BDSM perspective, no matter at what level or within any relational configuration:

". . . I was left alone in this world that was slowly becoming familiar. We'd been here a handful of times, and I didn't see the bizarre clothing as much anymore. My attention was drawn now to the way the Doms and subs interacted. There was a time in my life when I thought there was a degree of cruelty to dominance and submission. What kind of person willingly surrendered to someone who hit them, punished them, even humiliated them?

But I saw this world through different eyes now. There was gentleness among the whips and collars. Tender caresses and fond looks, protective Doms and protected subs. More trust, communication, and affection existed between these people than there ever was in my socially accepted vanilla relationship with Alec."

I have also been impressed with the author's note at the beginning of all of Cherise Sinclair's novels--a plea for those who either have participated in or are thinking of participating in the BDSM lifestyle to exercise thoughtful care in choosing who will be a part of that experience with them. Her desire to see people cared for, given what they need without harm or injury--physically or emotionally--was of great value to me. And in her "Masters of the Shadowlands" series it is evident that all the characters, especially the Shadowlands Masters are caring and respectful of their own humanity as well as those with whom they share their Dom/sub relationships, whether on a temporary or permanent basis. As she puts it: " . . . safe, sane, and consensual at all times." Each of these heroines has deeply held fears and emotional injuries, some of long standing. Seeing them cared for and given the freedom to change as they gave themselves into the care of their Doms was quite revealing.

The Reluctant Dom by Tymber Dalton was a book that I got and read almost slack jawed the entire time. It was the first book that I found myself reading while weeping openly, not just a few tears running down my face, but sobbing as I read this very emotional story of a ma

n who knew he was dying, who had recognized his wife's deep emotional hurts, and who was prepared to do whatever he needed to do to protect her after his death by enlisting the aid of his b

est friend to become her Dom after he died. It is a very different story in many ways, but one that helped me to more fully understand that there are people for whom physical pain is the only was for them to process deep emotional pain. Doesn't sound like something I would do in my own personal experience, but as a helping professional I can understand the psychology behind this and have grown to appreciate it. This is one of the most heart-rending books I have read, but one that gave me such insight into how this lifestyle can be necessary for many.

This lifestyle is not for me and is not one that my hubby and I have made a part of our relationship in any way. But the encounter with these fictional characters has opened my eyes to the fact that for many it is a deep need that cannot be met any other way, often allowing old scars and deep wells of injury to be explored and made right. I have learned that for some the physical pain makes it possible for them to acknowledge and let go of emotional pain that is so deep and so awful that they are being chewed apart internally.

Just some thoughts about my own journey. For many, there will be a big "don't want to go there" about this and other aspects of human sexuality. For me, I don't want to ever stop learning and growing in my awareness of what is needed legitimately by other people whether that is for me or not.

Until next time . . .

The 11th Day of Christmas: Two Christmas Novellas

There are always popular themes that become evident from year to year--aside, of course, the traditional emphases of the holiday season. Yet there are a plethora of holiday stories, many of which are short stories and novellas which embrace many aspects of romance fiction. Just a couple of these were some fun stories that I came across this year.

Snowbound Holiday is a delightful novella that features a young woman now returning to her childhood home in the shadow of the Laramie Mountains. Her grandfather had died, the grandparent who had thrown her and her mother out as "trash" and who was finally driven from the community by poverty and gossip. Now she has returned to attend the funeral and the reading of the will, not expecting anything but being summoned by her grandfather's attorney. She is immediately greeted by one of her closest childhood friends who meets her at the airport. Together with his brother and their closest friend, they declare that she is their "mate." She has never found anything or anyone to fill up that empty space at the center of her being, an empty space that has always been there and one that kept on telling her that she wasn't loved. Yet these three men, all of them big, burley, gorgeous, are trying to keep her in Wyoming long enough to convince her that she belongs with them. One great big catch: all three are snow leopard shifters.

This is a really nice holiday story--embracing the concepts of restoration and redemption, the renewal of one's humanity, the healing power of love. I give this novella a rating of 3.25 out of 5.

Holiday Fantasy is a very cute novella about an African American woman who is belatedly invited to the Christmas party of a friend. It puzzles Alesha that Kristy is so late in inviting her as she thought they were close friends. Nevertheless, she shows up with her signature holiday cookies only to literally crash into a wall of hard muscle--belonging to a longtime friend of her brothers, a man who has known her since she was a little girl and one who figured prominently in Alesha's teen fantasies. But she was in for another shock: in addition to her brothers' friend Josh, their friend Mike was there also and was, in fact, Josh's business partner and housemate. She also slowly came to realize that this was an informational meeting regarding the BDSM life.

Alesha is a woman who had learned to live with the empty spaces, wondering why her relationship always seemed to go south over time. This story highlights that for some that Dom/sub relationship is very freeing--giving up control can mean that someone you trust implicitly has now taken responsibility for your protection, wellbeing, and protection. Some people really appear to need that. In the context of the holiday season, when the hurts in people's lives so often form a troubling contrast to all the celebration, this story can have meaning for many who have wondered how to fill in those emotional and psychological holes. I give this story a rating of 3 out of 5.