Friends, Fun, and Books -- What Could Be Better?

I've never really done a "week in review" kind of post. Once in a while I put up the old "Book Bag" graphic and list some of the stuff I am presently reading. I just don't seem to be able to keep up with those kinds of posts. Some bloggers are so faithful and consistent -- not me. My job gets me up and out of the house, possibly more than I really want to, and with my love of books and being surrounded with piles of them and tons of ebooks on my computers, I would be a happy camper just vegging out and indulging.

But the fun things that come out of blogging are getting to know other So. Calif. bloggers, authors through email and such, and sitting down with

people who love books as much as I do and just having a gab-fest. One such gathering occurred this past Saturday when several So. Calif. bloggers were able to get together and indulge in just an all-out gabfest about books. Above, left to right, are Renee, Tracy, Judith, Wendy, and Nikki, all of whom love books, read voraciously, have very strong and well-defended opinions on w

hich books they like and which ones they absolutely didn't like--all shared with a sense of fun and we're-all-in-this-together kind of comraderie. My favorite times, other than lunch, was when we could just share. It was fascinating to watch some of the other customers in the Covina Book Store and the Barnes & Noble Book Store nearby, as all five of us were standing in the aisles around the romance fiction, pulling books off the shelves, putting them back, pointing to our favorites, letting the others know when we saw one we couldn't stand--all just a bunch of friends enjoying books. Some of the books we were highlighting were by authors most of us read extensively, and some were really not known or those whose books we hadn't read yet. So I came home and went through my "recently read" list--mostly ebooks--and found that I had complied a fairly hefty pile of books that I had plowed through in a few days.

Sealed Forever is Ms Daughtridge's fourth book in her current series a

nd was a delightful book about two people from very different walks of life, who had met previously at the wedding of two of their best friends--she was the maid of honor a nd he was the best man--and these two friends were trying their hand at matchmaking, unsuccessfully. Both were really quite emotionally banged up and not ready for a new relationship. Now they meet because a baby has been abandoned and as she is a new M.D. in town and he is working undercover as the administrator of a small private airfield, their friendship and connection through this child serves to keep them in touch in each other's lives.

Losing Control by Crissy Smith is the story of a man who

has now returned to the United States to take up a position as head of security for a large firm. He has essentially be hiding out in Europe after finding his mate--he is a werewolf--and being frightened to death to realize that his mate is another man working for the same firm. Now he has returned to acknowledge that relationship and claim his mate, but he also comes in contact with a graphic artist working for his firm and knows immediately that she is their "third." How he manages to restore trust between himself and his mate as well as find a way for the two of them to bring this lady into their long-term relationship forms the core of this story.

Cowboys Like Us by Vicki Lewis Thompson is the story of a professional baseball player who, due to a very serious knee injury, is no longer playing pro ball with the Chicago Cubs. Coming to Wyoming in order to attend the wedding of a long-time friend, Logan begins to revisit his love for furniture making and is working at the Last Chance Ranch for a few weeks. During this time he also strikes up an affair with Caro, the bartender at the Spirits and Spurs bar and a woman who begins to push him to get in touch with himself and look to the future. It is a compelling short novel and one that was a very entertaining read.

These are but a few of the titles I waded through in recent days. I have done a number of reviews for The Book Binge and even though I am not due to post on the Desert Island Keepers for a few months, I urge you to visit over there. Lots of good stuff to be looking at and enjoying.

Most of all, don't lose sight of how precious our friends are, how important it is to stay in contact with people of like minded living and caring, and doing the things that give our lives meaning. There are so many ways to stay in touch--phones, email, Twitter and Facebook, just to mention a few. And best of all, those face-to-face gatherings are the places we make very good memories. Keep your noses right where they belong . . . in a book, of course.

Eternal Truth -- For Everyone

This is a special week in the calendar of events for Christians around the world -- it is Holy Week, and for both the Eastern Church as well as the Western Church, this coming Sunday is the celebration of Christ's Resurrection. That being said, it is also important to recognize that there are millions around the world who are a part of other faith systems, and yet there are some eternal truths that transcend all faith beliefs.

One of Jesus' most important teachings that is important whether or not one is "religious" is simply: "You should love your neighbor as yourself." Those who claim both Judaism as well as Christianity as their faith base recognize that that teaching is rooted in the law of Moses, yet it has eternal truth that no one does well to ignore. Similar thoughts are encapsulated in the writings of other faiths as well.

Actually, in spite of the obvious, this thought is mostly about self-care, not about the other person. And self-care is a life habit that many of us in today's world have ignored or at best, given little credence to. We are all taken up with our busyness--home, work, families, friends, social obligations, trying to make a living that will stretch far enough to put gas in our cars and food on our tables and a roof over our head, keeping all the aspects of our lives somehow in balance. Who has time for self-care. Yet that is the important issue that can either make or break ourselves--can either keep us active and effective human beings or slowly erode our ability to be the people we hope to be.

The truth is: we cannot take care of others--including spouses, significant others, life partners, children, important friends--unless we take care of ourselves first. And along with that awareness is the fact that I--me, myself, I--am responsible for caring for myself, no one else. No one can fix me but me. No one can insure that I am healthy in mind, body, or spirit except me. And if I don't take that responsibility seriously, then I have nothing within myself to give to others.

I think we all admire people who have spent their lives giving to others. I have some of those dynamite people in my own family. Yet as I consider their open and giving ways, I realize that each one took time to care for themselves. They had boundaries. No matter how many demands were made of them, they knew how to use that simple little word "No." They knew their own limits and used their time and energy wisely and well. Because they kept their own inner wellsprings healthy and cared for, they had goodness and caring to share with others.

Honestly, my books are my haven. They always have been. Even when my kids were little, I am sure they will remember mom's "reading day." I would retreat to my bedroom with a stack of books--usually Harlequin romances--and that would be the lasts the family saw of me for hours. It restored me, gave me a mental vacation of sorts, and made it possible to face a household full of kids and the stresses of family and job.

So on this Holy Week, my prayer for us all is that we will back up just a bit, review our lives and the demands made upon us, especially those that are necessary and legitimate, and be open to the possibility that each of us needs to be more caring of ourselves. We all need to take time, a couple times a year, to review our priorities rather than feel like we are held hostage by work or family obligations. Vacations days are there to be used. Days off are for "R & R", not for other people to schedule our time or use it for their needs. Women are especially bad about that. So let's work on that -- it is a time of resurrection and the best life in the world to renew is our own. And doing so is the most unselfish, loving and giving thing we can do!!

Until next time . . .

About This BDSM Stuff . . . Reflections and Thoughts

OK . . . didn't think I would EVER read a BDSM novel just like I didn't think I would ever read a M/M novel. (Josh Lanyon changed that!!) Just goes to show that we all get an education if we are willing to have our literary comfort zones expanded.

Now I have to admit that it wasn't a journey that I started intentionally. But I read a few of the Ellora's Cave novellas that I was reviewing for The Book Binge and Second Chances by Lauren Dane, and I found that it was surprisingly tolerable. Now that's not to say that I am really into the whips and chains exclusively in any way. It's not for me. But there are a few authors that I have encountered that have changed my understanding of why this is a way some people relate to themselves and others that these folks seem to really need. There is no doubt that society in general thinks BDSM kinds of people are slutty, dirty, going straight to hell. But then, society thinks that about lots of ways of relating and thinking.

Light Switch by Lauren Gallagher was a surprising read for me as I had been exposed to the writing of Cooper McKenzie, Cherise Sinclair, Desiree Holt, Tymber Dalton, Sophie Oak, Jennifer Cole et al and had learned a great deal about the BDSM lifestyle as it was practiced by different individuals, both in their private lives as well as in a club setting. I guess I was not prepared when I began reading about BDSM to acknowledge that such a way of relating met some needs in people that often needed to be kept "in the dark" because of society's bias. That it met those needs in ways that nothing else could was part of my own surprise and learning curve. I found the following quote in Light Switch that seemed to sum up the BDSM perspective, no matter at what level or within any relational configuration:

". . . I was left alone in this world that was slowly becoming familiar. We'd been here a handful of times, and I didn't see the bizarre clothing as much anymore. My attention was drawn now to the way the Doms and subs interacted. There was a time in my life when I thought there was a degree of cruelty to dominance and submission. What kind of person willingly surrendered to someone who hit them, punished them, even humiliated them?

But I saw this world through different eyes now. There was gentleness among the whips and collars. Tender caresses and fond looks, protective Doms and protected subs. More trust, communication, and affection existed between these people than there ever was in my socially accepted vanilla relationship with Alec."

I have also been impressed with the author's note at the beginning of all of Cherise Sinclair's novels--a plea for those who either have participated in or are thinking of participating in the BDSM lifestyle to exercise thoughtful care in choosing who will be a part of that experience with them. Her desire to see people cared for, given what they need without harm or injury--physically or emotionally--was of great value to me. And in her "Masters of the Shadowlands" series it is evident that all the characters, especially the Shadowlands Masters are caring and respectful of their own humanity as well as those with whom they share their Dom/sub relationships, whether on a temporary or permanent basis. As she puts it: " . . . safe, sane, and consensual at all times." Each of these heroines has deeply held fears and emotional injuries, some of long standing. Seeing them cared for and given the freedom to change as they gave themselves into the care of their Doms was quite revealing.

The Reluctant Dom by Tymber Dalton was a book that I got and read almost slack jawed the entire time. It was the first book that I found myself reading while weeping openly, not just a few tears running down my face, but sobbing as I read this very emotional story of a ma

n who knew he was dying, who had recognized his wife's deep emotional hurts, and who was prepared to do whatever he needed to do to protect her after his death by enlisting the aid of his b

est friend to become her Dom after he died. It is a very different story in many ways, but one that helped me to more fully understand that there are people for whom physical pain is the only was for them to process deep emotional pain. Doesn't sound like something I would do in my own personal experience, but as a helping professional I can understand the psychology behind this and have grown to appreciate it. This is one of the most heart-rending books I have read, but one that gave me such insight into how this lifestyle can be necessary for many.

This lifestyle is not for me and is not one that my hubby and I have made a part of our relationship in any way. But the encounter with these fictional characters has opened my eyes to the fact that for many it is a deep need that cannot be met any other way, often allowing old scars and deep wells of injury to be explored and made right. I have learned that for some the physical pain makes it possible for them to acknowledge and let go of emotional pain that is so deep and so awful that they are being chewed apart internally.

Just some thoughts about my own journey. For many, there will be a big "don't want to go there" about this and other aspects of human sexuality. For me, I don't want to ever stop learning and growing in my awareness of what is needed legitimately by other people whether that is for me or not.

Until next time . . .

O Where, O Where Have I Been All Week? Reflections . . .

Yes, it has been a bit of time since the last post, and I sincerely apologize for being absent for this period of days. Not that there are that many who follow the blog yet, but I do try to keep faith with those who stop by.

Just lots going on this week . . . Just got back from Missouri about nine days ago and have been trying to adjust to some changes in my life. 1) My faithful companion, our English Shepherd Mickey, died while we were away. He was playing with the folks that were caring for him and our two cats, Sophie and Vashti, and he laid down to take his recuperative snooze right after, just like he always did. Only this time, he didn't wake up, and about 20 minutes later, when our friend called him to go outside with him, Mickey didn't respond and they realized he was dead. Now he is resting right at the base of the big fir tree in our side yard, a place he loved to lay in the shade when it was close to 100 degrees in our part of the world. It's way too quiet now when we come home from even short errands, and we don't have anyone to stumble over in the dark when we get up in the middle of the night. The cats are wondering around the house mewing at regular intervals, just as if they were calling him to come out of hiding. Sophie, especially, seems really thrown by his absence. It's very unsettling at how deeply we allow these wonderful animals to worm their way into our affections. He will be greatly missed for a very long time.

It is also Spring here in Southern California and the Spring flowers and trees are a riot of color--as in this wonderful shot of the Huntington Hotel grand plaza lawn, a beautiful and historic location in Pasadena, CA where my granddaughters and I go about once a year for "high tea" and glory in the wonders of Spring in this part of the world. But with Spring comes a bunch of extra stuff that is annual in nature but nevertheless, one must buck up and dive in and do what must be done. Like all the extra Lenten and Easter stuff at church, extra babysitting with grandkids during Spring Break, trying to figure out when or if we can plan some more time away in late summer, getting the old winter plants out of the flower beds and putting in the Spring bedding plants like the primroses, petunias, lavender, taking advantage of all the pre-Easter sales, especially the shoe sales at the Designer Shoe Warehouse--one of my most favorite and addictive retail locations, and so on and on.

This past week I have indeed done some reading -- some were books I need to read for The Book Binge reviews, some for this blog, and some because I have been wanting to read those books just for myself. I also have two afghans in progress--one I started in Missouri and had hoped to finish while there, and one that I started months ago and really really needs to be finished.

So I once again apologize for the long silence and wish all of you a Spring that is filled with beauty and a sense of renewal as the seasons pass. Keep in touch . . .